Quick answer
Use the first consultation to obtain decisions, not merely to retell the history. Ask which document currently governs care and contact, which parenting terms are legally or practically disputed, what child-focused information is missing, whether the Family Advocate or another assistance route is suitable, whether any existing order must be changed, and what requires immediate attention. Finish by confirming the lawyer’s scope, fee basis, first deliverable and next review date.
Key takeaways
- Begin with legal status: parental responsibilities and rights, current orders and the latest signed or registered plan.
- Ask about the exact disputed clauses rather than requesting a general opinion on whether the other parent is reasonable.
- Confirm how the child’s daily life and age-appropriate views should be presented without pressure or unnecessary disclosure.
- Separate routine negotiation from safety, travel, removal or imminent-court issues.
- Leave with a named next product, not an open-ended instruction to keep talking.
How to use this guide
Bring a short chronology and a marked list of agreed and disputed terms. That lets the adviser test each question against the same factual baseline and reduces the risk of paying consultation time to reconstruct a scattered file.
1. Which document controls the position today?
Ask the lawyer to classify every relevant document. Is it a court order, a parenting plan registered with the Family Advocate, a signed private plan, an unsigned proposal, a mediation note or an informal arrangement? A later draft does not automatically replace an operative order.
If parental responsibilities and rights are disputed, ask what establishes each person’s status and whether the proposed terms involve care, contact, guardianship, maintenance or more than one of those responsibilities. This question changes the route and should be answered before debating wording.
2. What is actually unresolved?
Present a two-column schedule: agreed terms and disputed terms. Ask which disagreements need legal wording and which are mainly implementation problems. A disagreement about alternate weekends is different from uncertainty about guardianship, passports, relocation, schooling or medical decisions.
For each disputed point, ask what fact would materially affect the advice. The useful answer may be the current school calendar, a health need, travel distance, work schedules, an existing restriction or the history of how a handover has operated. This keeps the consultation tied to the child’s circumstances.
3. What process should be used before court?
The Children’s Act addresses assistance in preparing a parenting plan where co-holders are experiencing difficulty exercising their responsibilities and rights. Ask whether the matter should go through the Office of the Family Advocate, a social worker, psychologist or suitably qualified mediator, and what must be recorded about that assistance.
Ask what the neutral professional can and cannot do. The Family Advocate provides child-focused mediation, enquiries, legal information and recommendations; the office does not act as confidential lawyer for either adult. If you need advocacy or advice about litigation risk, confirm who will provide it.
4. How should the child participate?
Ask how age, maturity and development affect participation in this particular matter. The correct process may involve a Family Counsellor or another suitably qualified professional. It should not involve asking the child to choose a parent, draft a statement for one side or carry questions between adults.
Also ask what school, health or support information is genuinely necessary. Sensitive records should be limited to the issue and shared through the channel the practitioner specifies.
5. What happens if agreement is reached?
Ask whether the final text should remain a private signed plan, be registered with the Family Advocate or be made an order of court. Confirm the current form, supporting statement and signature requirements rather than relying on an old download.
If an order already exists, ask what process is needed to amend it. Do not assume that both adults signing a replacement draft is enough to change the court-controlled position.
6. Is anything urgent or unsafe?
Tell the adviser about a threatened move, international travel, concealed location, passport issue, immediate medical choice, alleged family violence, serious non-compliance or a fixed handover or hearing date. Ask which fact changes the urgency assessment and what lawful interim protection is available.
Ordinary negotiation should not delay emergency or protective help. Equally, a tense exchange without a verified deadline should not be described as a legal emergency merely to gain leverage.
7. What exactly am I paying for?
Ask whether the consultation fee includes advance reading, the meeting, a written note, a revised proposal, communication with the other side or only oral guidance. Confirm who will do the work, the billing unit, likely disbursements, exclusions and the point at which further authority is required.
Before ending, ask for the immediate deliverable in writing: for example, a revised terms matrix, mediation intake, Family Advocate submission, opinion, preservation task or court-paper review. Record the owner of that task and the date on which progress will be reconsidered.
A useful consultation outcome
A productive first meeting should reduce uncertainty in four places: the governing document, the disputed terms, the appropriate process and the next piece of work. It does not need to resolve the parenting plan in one sitting. It should create a child-focused route that can be followed and reviewed.
This article provides general South African legal information. It cannot determine parental status, urgency, jurisdiction or a child’s best interests on individual facts.
Additional FAQ
Should I ask how travel and relocation clauses will work?
Yes. Ask who holds guardianship, what counts as ordinary travel or relocation, which notice and information are required, how passports and consent are handled, and what process applies if agreement is withheld. Avoid clauses that appear to pre-authorise every future move.
FAQs
What should I ask first about the current parenting arrangement?
Ask which court order, registered plan, signed agreement or informal practice presently controls the arrangement, and whether a missing document could change that answer.
Should I ask the lawyer what the child wants?
Ask how the child’s views can be obtained in an age-appropriate, neutral way. A child may participate according to maturity, but should not be coached or made responsible for deciding the dispute.
What answer should I leave the consultation with?
Request one written next-step summary identifying the immediate task, the responsible person, the material still required, any real deadline and the quoted scope for further work.
Should I ask how travel and relocation clauses will work?
Yes. Ask who holds guardianship, what counts as ordinary travel or relocation, which notice and information are required, how passports and consent are handled, and what process applies if agreement is withheld. Avoid clauses that appear to pre-authorise every future move.
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Source notes
Legal note
This article is general legal information for South African readers. It is not legal advice. Speak to a qualified legal professional about your specific facts before taking action.